A few days after I discovered someone who created a fake Facebook
profile to communicate with me and I guess others, for some unknown reason this
disturbed person did this to get my attention. And my heart went out to them. But I chose to ignore it because it’s
important in this time of my life not to allow other people issues to become
mine.
A day later I turned on the television.
Like so many others, I was caught up in the "Catfish" marathon which
airs on MTV. Catfish is reality documentary style show that is about those who
have an online relationship with another person. The show is used as a mediator to meet the
person face to face because one of the parties either is hesitant to meet or
create road blocks for them not to meet. In most of the series the person ends
up to be not who they say they are. The
person usually makes up who they are by using someone else’s picture. In some of
the cases the person has ended up to be female when they were posing as a male
and visa versa. In other cases the person was ashamed of who they were because
they were overweight or they were insecure about how they really were. In one
of the cases the online relationship had gone on for 10 years. Fortunately in
that case, the party had not created who he was; he just masked the fact that
he was over 600 pounds.
In my studies in becoming a Christian Counseling Psychologist, the
thought that comes to my mind at what level of unhappiness does a person have
to be to have a relationship with someone online.
In all of the cases there was no video
chat. In some of them there were phone calls but no real relationship. Some may
argue that an online relationship is just real as a face to face relationship
because you have that person’s personality at bay. But the risk of a person
creating themselves to whom ever they want to be is the major risk. Online
dating opens up the possibility of one coming in contact with a person with a
borderline personality disorder. The person cannot or is not willing to meet a
person the traditional way, so they will use the Internet to prey upon
emotional vulnerable people.
See this
article on the pitfalls to online dating.
http://www.cnn.com/2012/02/06/health/online-dating-pitfalls
According to a local CBS station in Las Vegas , a woman by the name of
Mary Beckman is suing Match.com for 10 million dollars after going out on a
date
with a man she met on that site
that severely beat her. Match.com is an online dating service that connects you
with a mate by giving questionnaires to its participants and matches them with
the person that the site chooses the participants are best compatible with.
Even though the crime was horrific, I question if Match.com was responsible for
the crime. The plaintiff feels that the online dating service should have had
some safe guards in place.
In my opinion
Mary Beckman was responsible for her own safety up to a certain level.
If you go on a blind date, one should always
meet in a public place. One should not invite or let a stranger know were they
live or allow them into their home until after several weeks of conversations if
not months. It is possible to discern a person character up to a certain level.
There are indeed some social malformed persons in this society
but for the most part you can know after
series of conversations if a person is sane or not. You always let a good
friend know were you are going and who you are going with.
Give the phone number of your date. And always
have a good friend to check on you periodically during the date. And on the
first date it is OK to let you date know what you are doing. If he is sane he
or she should not be offended. This is just living smart.
I’m not saying that Ms. Beckman is totally at
fault for another person’s behavior, I’m just pointing out the importance of
having some safe guards, if we choose to go on a blind date.
http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2013/01/24/woman-sues-match-com-for-10m-after-getting-matched-with-murder-suspect-who-brutally-attacked-her/
But the deeper questions is what type of unhappiness causes a person to
have an ongoing relationship with a person that they have not seen and feel
that it is a real relationship. I have never had an online relationship before.
However, to be transparent let me tell you a little about the old me.
I was once a person that had
some of the symptoms of depression. I had low self esteem and I felt that only
if I found a spouse, only if I was in a relationship I would be happy. With
this mentality I spent 3 years in a marriage with a woman that I was not
compatible with that brought me nothing but emptiness. From then on, I went to
relationship to relationship that failed from the age of 25 to 40. All these
relationships failed with only two lasting 3 years or more (the same length of
my marriage). And not even romances, I’m talking about normal friendships as
well. Nearly twenty years of my life
seemed to be on some level waisted because I was here but lost. I thought that
being in a relationship or being well liked would bring me happiness. But the
relationships brought emotional abuse in my life. It brought me being exposed to those who had bipolar disorders, addiction issues, narcism,
individualism and the list goes on and on
with other ism and other diagnosis that
could be found on the DSM IV. Like attracted like or maybe it was me rushing
into relationships and rushing into circumstances without taking the time to
get accounted because I was empty, and thought that another being could make me
happy and it was all a lie.
After twenties years of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I
realized that in most of the situations, it wasn't my fault. We always think it
is the other persons fault. But there was one common denominator. It was me! I was the common denominator in all of the
situations. I had some major responsibility in it. So after digging deep and
taking a personal inventory and really getting to know myself; Discernment is what
I call it, learning how to love me the naked me figurative and literally with
all my flaws and all of my greatness and loving all my flaws and learning to be
comfortable with me alone and being able to sit in a silent room with no one
but me and enjoy the silence. Learning to go out to dinner by myself and going
to the movies and cooking for myself and putting out the good china and my
favorite wine or cocktail and cook an elaborate dish just for me. You see I had to date me to get to know me
and to get to know myself and appreciate this being that God has uniquely
created in his own image.
And it is this experience where I can relate to those who are caught in
blindly talking to a person. Because they feel that the person can bring some
sense of happiness to them and bring something to make them whole and it is a
complete lie. Happiness comes from within and flows outward and when people see
that you are happy, it will give off an energy that will draw folks to you.
There is truly someone for everyone. And
I was reminded of this one day when I was at U of H and I saw the couple, one
on a walker and another one confined to a wheel chair. No matter how different
from what society claim beauty is there is literally someone for everyone. But
you have to be in the right mind set to accept what God has for you; because, there
is a person that you are truly equally yoked with. And what God has brought
together let no man separate.
